New Moon Reflections

We have a new moon in sweet and watery Cancer today. The sky is dark and the moon is at the beginning of her cycle. Have you felt the emotional energy the last few days? I know I have. 

New moons are symbolic of new beginnings, moving into new chapters with positive abundance. We manifest with the new moon and release with the full moon. 

In my chart, my natal moon is in Cancer which is its home sign, and in the 4th house which is associated with home and family. For those of you that don’t know astrology, that means that family is deeply important to me, and I put a great deal of importance into my home and my loved ones. It also means I’m a total nurturer, motherly type when it comes to my emotions. 

I’m also going through my first Saturn return. This is when your natal Saturn has completed its orbit around the sun and is back in the same position it was in when you were born. We all experience our first Saturn returns in our late 20’s depending on your sign, and our second Saturn return in our late 50’s. Mine is in Aquarius, it started in December and will come to an end in October. Your Saturn Return is a time of intense change, the first one transitioning you out of childhood and into a new stage of maturity. 

All of this to say that I have learned so many lessons over the last 6 months, the mental and spiritual upgrades have been nonstop, and the energy this last week felt palpable. All of my life I wanted a family to belong to. A family that loved me and accepted me for who I am. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt jealousy seeing posts of people visiting their old homes, or sharing lifelong family memories with their siblings, or playing games while laughing and cracking jokes or sharing photos of huge family reunions that span generations. It’s been a painful truth to accept that I don’t get to feel like the child of a family like that in this lifetime. 

But with that acceptance has also come another deeper understanding; I get to create the family that I wanted. Through my little family, through dear friends and family members that I have, through future friendships I know in my bones I will form, communities that I’m bound to be a part of as I continue to walk this path of growth. 

I get to know what it’s like to be married to a man who I feel with every fiber of my being is my soulmate, and to experience the true love I admired in Disney movies growing up. I get to raise my daughter in a different way than I was raised, and every time she shows me a reflection of that difference I feel a joy and peace that encompasses me. Things that some people go their whole lives without experiencing. 

In my childhood, I was deprived, neglected, and abused. In adulthood I feel blessed with love in a way that some days feels like a dream. The girl who lived through abandonment after abandonment, who was psychologically abused on a daily basis, who never knew stability, who never knew what a loving and safe home felt like, that girl will always be with me. I will continue to nurture her, guide her, stand up for her and other girls like her. Not from the viewpoint of the abused child, but from the viewpoint of the mother I never had. I will tuck her under my wing, and assure her that she is safe now, safe and sound. I will tell the story she was frightened to share for so long. And I will show up every day in my life, choosing joy and peace and fun and happiness, a world she never knew.

Be prepared, because by the time this is through I may be a different Allie on the other side. With each day that passes, and each lesson I conquer, I love me more and more everyday. I have so many projects in the works that I’m excited about. So many beautiful goals and bright lights on my horizon. And I’m not in any rush to achieve, or to run to the end points. Because I trust deeply I will get there, I trust the flow of my life. And when it’s time, I can’t wait to share these things with all of you✨

This was a photo I took of the sun through
the trees outside of my office on my morning
walk into work. I was going to take pictures
of the brightly colored pink trees at the end
of the row, but the sun was screaming for
my attention, and look at the beauty she showed
me when I listened. Through all of this healing,
and all of this growth, at last I see the light.